Unproud

I didn’t run as fast as you wanted

I slurped my drink too loud

I didn’t think before I spoke

Another day feeling unproud

I didn’t feel like myself today

I got picked on for not fitting in

I went to school feeling a little bit worthless

I need a safe place to breathe in

You spend less time with me

Am I as annoying as you say

Why do I frustrate you so much

When your unproud is on display

Sometimes I lay awake at night

Thinking of what I can do

To earn the title of proud

To be the expectation of you

If you want you can whisper it

When I’m asleep in my bed

That’s better than the option

Of showing your unproud instead

I thought I saw it shinning once

In the part of your fathers eyes

So I tried to hold onto it tight

But it wept through my heart and died

As the years live their life around me

I still wait in my wonder

Hoping you would one day show me

How you wear your proud as a father

In the place reserved for you

It’s a feeling that always beckons

But I have learnt to cover the need

Thanks for teaching me that lesson

So I’m just gonna pretend

And to imagine you said it loud

You still got time

Its never too late

To show me I’m your proud

These three words

“I’m so proud”

Are sitting in the space of your children

Make it said loud

And show it louder

Because when it’s not said and meant

It’s the silence of the noise that is deafening